Its Been a While

Sorry for the brief hiatus. I was busy being depressed from graduation.

Speaking of which, we made it. Pat yourselves on the back 2014. It is a miracle 47 Thompson is still standing and for that, we applaud. Leaving that house was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But, living there was a blessing. So here is to us.

Anyways, I am about 3 weeks removed from graduation. My Mom and I just got back from Los Angeles. I got reunited with my best friends from back home. Joe is doing his thing with accounting. Jake is going to law school. Mendills is doing his business thing. Ruys has her grad school thing all set. And Cip is just being Cip. So where does this leave Spo?

Excellent question thanks for asking.

Truth be told…I have no clue what I want to do. I mean I have zero idea, not even an inclination. When people ask me what I want to do I’ll sometimes respond that I want to go to law school. But I probably do not want to do that. I would be a good lawyer but its not for me and I know that. When you have two parents who were lawyers and one was a judge, people tend to think that you will go into law. But one got laid off for being part time because she had to take care of her family and the other one was so stressed out that it probably contributed to his heart attack. So there’s that.

Truth be told…I have no clue what I want to do. I mean I have zero idea, not even an inclination. When people ask me what I want to do I’ll sometimes respond that I want to be a teacher. I maybe want to do that. I love learning, I love academia and I love helping others. So what’s not to like? Well high school teachers do not make all that much money. And your boy is looking to have a big family (wassup ladies!) Seriously though, salary and standard of living is something that is considered when choosing a career path. Plus, high school kids have no desire to learn. And if I am a history teacher, which I would want to be, then absolutely no one will have a desire to learn in my class. So there’s that.

Truth be told…I have no clue what I want to do. I mean I have zero idea, not even an inclination. When people ask me what I want to do I’ll sometimes respond that I want to be a college professor. I sort of want to do that. I could teach people that actually want to learn what I teach. College professors make decent money and they get to have intellectual conversations with bright, young minds. Plus, their hours are not as strict and they have more academic freedom to speak bluntly about their opinions and beliefs. What’s not to like? Well I am not sure I have to academic drive to become a professor. Do not get me wrong, I believe I am smart enough. But I question my passion for history. My professors were always buried in books, papers and conferences. Sure, I like to read yet, I like to be active as well. I do not want to succumb my life to the drudgery of academic when there is an entire world I want to participate in. So there’s that.

Truth be told…I have no clue what I want to do. I mean I have zero idea, not even an inclination. My Mom has asked me what I wanted to do several times, where does m heart lay. Here are some of my honest responses:

– Lumberjack                             

– Sports Journalist

– Deli owner

– Actor

– Author

– Painter (like house painter, not the cool Da Vinci type)

– Soccer Coach

Where’s the lesson Espy?

Glad you asked. There is always something to learn. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. But that’s alright. I’ve spent too many frustrated nights wondering how everything is going to work out. That my friends, is the stupidest thing that anyone can do. Never worry about something you have no control over. My Dad majored in Public Works, his first job out of school was at a construction company, and he ended up becoming a judge. My mom went to law school, was a prosecutor, and ended up becoming a college professor at SCSU, which she loves. So go figure. What we plan will probably not work the way we want it to. And that’s OK. So don’t fret.

But wait Spo, you are so smart, you always have your stuff together, you’re in great shape, girls love you and you are overall an awesome person. Oh an you’re hilarious and have a knack for witty banter and can dunk a basketball. If you don’t have any idea what you want to do with your future, then what will I do?

Another great question.

My response: I have an interview with Allstate tomorrow. My major (History) has nothing to do with this job. But I am going to try my hardest to get it. Why?

Because our paths are already set for us, now all we have to do is walk it. Be confident, know anything can be temporary if we so choose, and try your hardest at each stop along the way.

If we do that, then we will get to where we want to be before we know it.

The trail is set, now just walk, its the easiest part. And smile along the way for it will all work out. Trust me

 

Yours,

E                                                                                                                                                                                            PHA

                                                                                                                                                         

 

Fuel

“Hatred in your heart will consume you too”

I’ll give you 3 guesses as to who said that one liner. 

…Will Smith. Crazy right. Who knew that a line from Just the Two of Us would affect me like that.

Anyways, there are things every day that can make you mad or upset. I mean this morning I was woken up by my neighbor throwing logs into a wood cutter. And last night I couldn’t sleep because I had a wicked bad cold. Those things make me mad. But in the words of Hymen Roth, those things are “small potatoes” (Godfather 2 reference, check.) Which leads me to my story.

Story Time: Brought to you by Bud Light “Suck One”

Now this is a sports story. I hope that doesn’t scare anyone off. I’m not a typical jock who only writes about the game winning shot and that stupid stuff. Anyways, my story starts in my sophomore year of high school. I went to Notre Dame my freshman year and it was alright but I wanted out. So, my parents convinced me to go to Xavier, another prep school. They thought I would excel academically. All that summer I prepared for soccer tryouts. because honestly, my main goal at the time was to play soccer in college. Okay yeah i was a jock. That summer I was certain I would not only make the team but, win the starting goalkeeper spot. I worked my tail off that summer and during my freshman year I allowed only three goals the entire season, including a streak of nine games that were all shutouts. It was my turn. My hard work would finally pay off.

False. Listen everyone, if anything is for certain in my life it is that nothing is for certain. So naturally, I got cut from the team. And not just cut. I was embarrassed. See, the team had another Matt Esposito on the team. So, when I heard “Matt Esposito,” I was pumped. Yours truly was on the squad! Psyche. It was the other Matt that made the team. Needless to say I spent the rest of the car ride home in tears (I’m a frequent cryer if you all did not know.) My dad was wicked pissed. He wanted to drop the coach. What was I going to do now? Where was I going to go for school? I was so mad at that coach; I cannot describe to you how much I wanted to confront him. I think for the first time in my life I wanted to hurt another human being. I hated him. 

I ended up going to my public school, and I killed it. Best thing that ever happened to me. My first year there I started and almost made my all conference team. My junior year I broke my collar bone (proof that everything in my life takes a left turn out of now where.) Recap: Had to transfer because I got cut. Once I was doing good, I broke my collar bone.

Choice: Either hate life and the coach who cut me or outshine everybody

I decided to outshine everybody. For my senior year I worked my tail off again. Made the all-conference team with one of my best friends. Boom. And do you know what got me there? Every day I trained, every day I did wind sprints by myself at Woodhouse field, every time Mike Sheehan ripped shots at me, every pull up, crunch, and push up I thought of that coach who cut me. I thought of the idiot who broke my collar bone during a preseason game. I turned hate into fuel. I did not eliminate hate. That’s just impossible. We are human beings and are going to get mad at things and hate them. That’s natural. I did something else though.

I transformed hate into something positive. 

It became my drive, my reason for greatness, my fuel.

Second part:

I had done it. I won the personal awards as well as got the team to the playoffs for the first time in a while. I left a positive impression as a player and a leader. Also, I made some bonds on that team that still stand today. I ended up going to Suffolk University to play soccer. At Suffolk I eventually became the starter. Fortunately for me, I helped the team get to the championship game. This game happened to be fifteen minutes from my home. Everyone who supported to me was there and we won. It was awesome. I went from being cut to winning a championship game as a freshman. 

So what did I do next?

I found an old email address to the Xavier coach that cut me. I wrote him a little email. Nothing malicious. It was a thank you. I thanked him for being my fuel. He gave me the drive to do some great things. Recently I just got an email from a certain job that said I would not be interviewed for their position. A position that I felt qualified for. Normally I would delete those emails but, I kept this one. Next year, when I am at some prestigious grad school getting a duel degree in law and history, I am going to write another thank you letter. Because at the end of the day, according to someone, I did not work hard enough to get that job. And there is no one to blame but me. So I should be appreciative of someone keeping it real with me and letting me know that I need to work even harder to get the things I want. 

Lesson: Turn hatred into fuel. Do not forget to thank the people who told you that you weren’t good enough, for you may not realize it now but they are effecting your life for the better.

For the doubters, check out the picture below. I’m the goofy blonde with the long flow putting up the #1 signImage  

Yours,                                                                                                                                      PHA