My Favorite Day at Roger Part 1

Painting, beers, a lot of McDonald’s, Majid Jordan and a predicament

What do these things have in common? They all have to do with one of my favorite days at this awesome university.

Story time brought to you by Fins: “Mistakes welcomed”

So over the summer The Ave had a sweet 4th of July Party. If you weren’t there then I feel sorry for you. But the people who were there know how much fun it was. Naturally, we decided to follow it up with a end of the summer/ school is here blowout. We had learned some serious lessons from the party on the 4th.This prompted one of my beloved roommates to purchase some porta potties. Anyways, next thing we knew we were $300 in the hole. And since we like to do things as a team at Thompson, we decided we were in this together. After the very first Meeting of the Hardos at the Rugby House, we were stranded for ideas of how to get the cash to pay for this. Then suddenly, Ryan Zabes remembered that he knew a women who wanted her porch and shed painted for $300 bucks. Boom. Problem solved. We ended up having the party and it was a blast. But that was not the favorite day I am referring to.

Best Day: So the next weekend we decided to paint this shed and porch. Me, Zabes, Jip, T Dot, The Big Dog and Abernethy all went to paint this bad boy. One might think that all you need to paint a house is paint and brushes. Wrong.

2 thirties, or what I like to cleverly call, a “60”

A bottle of whatever

A little radio for some non country music because we don’t play that S@#t!

A butt-ton of McDonald’s, like 20 McDoubles and fries for days.

Here is what happened: Evaluations edition

Yours truly claimed he was the nastier amateur painter in the game. And I proved it. Efficiency, accuracy, quality. You cannot touch my paint game. I’m up there with Benjamin Moore. They even used to call me Sherwin Williams in high school. My side of the shed was done before T-shirt even picked up a paint brush. The Big Dog did his thing. Racist Joke Warning: It must be in his blood. Zabes was a natural leader, directing everyone what to do. He also was responsible for sending updates to the mom who wanted the shed done. Jips and his buddy from home, presumably named Mark because it seems as if everyone has a buddy from home named Mark or Kyle, well these two went to get the supplies, including the 30s, bottle of whatever, and McDonald’s. Abs ended up saying the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Racist Joke Warning 2: When discussing possible ways to get this job done quicker AB said the following, “I could just drive to a Home Depot, go up to a group of Mexicans and say, ‘Trabajabo Door.” Huh. WE ALL DIED LAUGHING. Not because of RA’s presumed racism but because he butchered saying trabajo….and because it was a little racist. And we were painting a shed not a door…

Needless to say, the mother saw the shed and said we did an awesome job at it. But there is something to learn here.

Lesson: It sounds corny, but doing meaningful things with your friends is the best way to bond and have fun.

To many, this afternoon would sound like a chore. But we made this all our favorite day to talk about. It was a bunch of unsupervised idiots doing a thoughtless task with alcohol and McDonald’s. What’s not to like. We all became tighter after that day and wish we could do it again. So if anyone has some housework to be done holler at us. Plus we got our boy JPaul out of a predicament. And we did something good for someone else! So we’re basically awesome. And Ryan introduced me to Majid Jordan on the car ride back. We all jammed out to “Gimme a Reason” (youtube it asap knuckleheads) Read the nicknames below, they will help for previous and future blog posts. Oh and do something cool together with your friends. Set a required amount of alcohol and junk food but be safe too!

List of Thompson Ave resident nicknames:

Tom: T Dot, T Raw, T Nager, T Shirt, T Pot, T Kettle, “Ah Come On” Tom, Tom Tom, “Don’t peek when I’m peeing” Herring

Colin: C Ber, “Everyone’s gay but me” Colin

Ryan: Abs, Ry, GR (expired), Abernethy, That Constantly Drunk Dude Who Went to Australia

Lorenzo: The Big Dog, Lorenz, Laredo, Lanardo, Redo Beats, Beats, Smelly Mexican, Flexican, Fez, Lasagna

Ryan Zable: Zable, “Dude who dates Leah” (we need more nicknames for him)

JP: JPaul, Jip, Jips, Jip McGips, Catfish, Pope John Paul, Basset

Me: Spo, Espo, Espy, Espy Award, Matt Matt, Coach, Fresh Prince, Moms Love Me, Mr. Steal Your Girl, Ginger, Linguini, Hoover High Football Team, Sean William Scott, Italian Ice, Young Conan, Perfect Lover You Should Date Me (about half of these are real)

Live With Love

Yours                                                                                                                                                                                     PHA

When to be stupid

1. The arrow (and my leg)

Me and Matt Alcebo were best friends growing up. I mean we were literally inseparable. One day, when we were both about 12 years old, we came face to face with destiny. Here is an outline of the events on that fateful day

A) I found a metal tip arrow in my attic B) Matt coincidentally found a bow in his garage the day before 

I told Matt of the arrow discovery. Words did not need to be said. I biked to his house in a minute. This was going to be the best day ever. I walked into his house and instantly Matt grabbed the arrow. First sign that this kid was the devil in disguise. Anyways, Matt told me to go on his porch and he would meet me out there in a second. Well, I went onto the porch, assuming my best friend with the bow and arrow could do me no harm. Matt came out onto his porch with the arrow ready to be fired. I mean this kid meant business and had a nasty look in his eye. I check to see if the gate off the porch was locked. It was. Freakin kid planned this from the get. I had no where to run. “Matt, don’t do this, no….no.” My plea was ignored. And then it happened…he let go or the arrow. 

It stuck in my leg for a second or two and then fell out. My best friend was dying from laughter. He just shot me with an arrow and absolutely lost it. A little blood later and some applied rubbing alcohol and I was ok, just fine. No damage done. But I actually got shot with an arrow at 12 years old by a Cuban-American devil preteen  best friend.

2. The flick

My cousins and I are one big family. Consequently, they are all my age. I have two sisters. My cousins are 3 boys and 1 girl. So we each have a brother or sister when we are together. Everything matches up perfectly. When I was younger I spent a ton of time with my boy cousins (Max, Teddy and Justin.) I always wanted a brother and they were so very close. Every summer our families would rent a house in Outer Banks and spend the week together. This time down all the boys decided to ride down together in one car. Here’s where the story turns south.

My cousins and I are notorious trouble makers when we are together. Small scale and Large scale. One time in Canada Justin accidentally almost sent my cousin Max into a state of comatose because he threw a giant rock into the water. Problem was Max happened to be in the way (Large Scale.) One Christmas my cousins and I decorated a gingerbread house. We turned it into a prison for Taliban terrorists and had a cut out of Osama getting killed by sharks in a pool, Merry Christmas (Small scale.) Anyways back to the story.

My dad pulled over to the side of the road to fix the luggage bag on the top of our car because it was coming undone. He stepped onto the side of the minivan to do it. My dear cousin Teddy was sitting right near where my dad was standing. To paint a picture, lets just say my old man’s “delicates” were right next to Teddy. Almost in his face, one would say. This just so happened to be a time when my cousins were obsessed with sac-tapping. My cousin Justin dared Teddy to give my dad a tap. I chimed in next. Max chimed in after me. After minutes of persuading, Teddy did it. It happened, The Flick. Teddy just hit his uncle in the sac. And let me tell you, he went down hard…hard. My dad couldn’t drive the rest of the way. I remember him saying to my mom, “Rob, I can’t drive, you gotta drive.” My cousins all got reamed out by their dad and by beloved Uncle Ted. He was trying not to laugh the whole time. I can still hear Teddy apologizing to my Dad for hitting him in the balls.

3. The Green Shower:

Tom and I wanted to do something special for our friend Colin’s 21st. We had all just gotten back to school and were in stupid mode. Anyways, me and Tom decided to go to Walmart before Colin’s party. Walmart always had good stuff. Wrong. Walmart is the official breeding ground for cheap trouble. Tom and I were walking around when Tom spotted super soakers. Boom. Wait a minute, did I just….ya i just had an idea. I told Tom to follow me to the paint aisle. Yup, we were going to have a paint party. The only paint they had though was gloss finishing and spray paint. Naturally we grabbed the spray paint. We got back to the dorm, stripped down to our boxers and went to the shower with the spray paint. Oh yeah, we were going to get this green spray paint into the super soakers. 

See we didn’t quite get the concept of compressed paint. We stripped down to our boxers because we expected a little explosion, but nothing too big. I came up with the idea to stab the spray paint can with a screwdriver. I tried it twice and then realized this might be the dumbest thing I have ever been a part of. Tom never came to that realization. Tom called me a choice word and grabbed the screwdriver. He proceeded to viciously stab the spray paint can until it happened. The can exploded. 

Green. Paint. Everywhere. Tom ran out of the shower with his hands covering his eyes yelliing “Help me! Help me! I’m blind.” I was laughing so hard I started dry-heaving. My first instinct. Close the shower curtain so the paint doesn’t get everywhere. Tom was washing spray paint out of his eyes. Ryan Abs was laughing so hard he was actually bawling his eyes out. Next we went to CVS covered in green paint. Tom asked the dude what kind of rubbing alcohol would remove this. For 2 months Tom had green on him. Funniest moment of my life. RWU actually wanted to kick us out of school but our RA saved us. She said we were malicious vandalizers but just plain stupid. 

Lesson: Be stupid when you’re young. Its expected and you’ll get away with it. And it makes for the best time/memories of your life

short and sweet, enjoy your Thursday my fellow bar rats (check the photo of the shower)

Live with love                                                                                                                                                               PHA

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