My Favorite Day at Roger Part 1

Painting, beers, a lot of McDonald’s, Majid Jordan and a predicament

What do these things have in common? They all have to do with one of my favorite days at this awesome university.

Story time brought to you by Fins: “Mistakes welcomed”

So over the summer The Ave had a sweet 4th of July Party. If you weren’t there then I feel sorry for you. But the people who were there know how much fun it was. Naturally, we decided to follow it up with a end of the summer/ school is here blowout. We had learned some serious lessons from the party on the 4th.This prompted one of my beloved roommates to purchase some porta potties. Anyways, next thing we knew we were $300 in the hole. And since we like to do things as a team at Thompson, we decided we were in this together. After the very first Meeting of the Hardos at the Rugby House, we were stranded for ideas of how to get the cash to pay for this. Then suddenly, Ryan Zabes remembered that he knew a women who wanted her porch and shed painted for $300 bucks. Boom. Problem solved. We ended up having the party and it was a blast. But that was not the favorite day I am referring to.

Best Day: So the next weekend we decided to paint this shed and porch. Me, Zabes, Jip, T Dot, The Big Dog and Abernethy all went to paint this bad boy. One might think that all you need to paint a house is paint and brushes. Wrong.

2 thirties, or what I like to cleverly call, a “60”

A bottle of whatever

A little radio for some non country music because we don’t play that S@#t!

A butt-ton of McDonald’s, like 20 McDoubles and fries for days.

Here is what happened: Evaluations edition

Yours truly claimed he was the nastier amateur painter in the game. And I proved it. Efficiency, accuracy, quality. You cannot touch my paint game. I’m up there with Benjamin Moore. They even used to call me Sherwin Williams in high school. My side of the shed was done before T-shirt even picked up a paint brush. The Big Dog did his thing. Racist Joke Warning: It must be in his blood. Zabes was a natural leader, directing everyone what to do. He also was responsible for sending updates to the mom who wanted the shed done. Jips and his buddy from home, presumably named Mark because it seems as if everyone has a buddy from home named Mark or Kyle, well these two went to get the supplies, including the 30s, bottle of whatever, and McDonald’s. Abs ended up saying the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Racist Joke Warning 2: When discussing possible ways to get this job done quicker AB said the following, “I could just drive to a Home Depot, go up to a group of Mexicans and say, ‘Trabajabo Door.” Huh. WE ALL DIED LAUGHING. Not because of RA’s presumed racism but because he butchered saying trabajo….and because it was a little racist. And we were painting a shed not a door…

Needless to say, the mother saw the shed and said we did an awesome job at it. But there is something to learn here.

Lesson: It sounds corny, but doing meaningful things with your friends is the best way to bond and have fun.

To many, this afternoon would sound like a chore. But we made this all our favorite day to talk about. It was a bunch of unsupervised idiots doing a thoughtless task with alcohol and McDonald’s. What’s not to like. We all became tighter after that day and wish we could do it again. So if anyone has some housework to be done holler at us. Plus we got our boy JPaul out of a predicament. And we did something good for someone else! So we’re basically awesome. And Ryan introduced me to Majid Jordan on the car ride back. We all jammed out to “Gimme a Reason” (youtube it asap knuckleheads) Read the nicknames below, they will help for previous and future blog posts. Oh and do something cool together with your friends. Set a required amount of alcohol and junk food but be safe too!

List of Thompson Ave resident nicknames:

Tom: T Dot, T Raw, T Nager, T Shirt, T Pot, T Kettle, “Ah Come On” Tom, Tom Tom, “Don’t peek when I’m peeing” Herring

Colin: C Ber, “Everyone’s gay but me” Colin

Ryan: Abs, Ry, GR (expired), Abernethy, That Constantly Drunk Dude Who Went to Australia

Lorenzo: The Big Dog, Lorenz, Laredo, Lanardo, Redo Beats, Beats, Smelly Mexican, Flexican, Fez, Lasagna

Ryan Zable: Zable, “Dude who dates Leah” (we need more nicknames for him)

JP: JPaul, Jip, Jips, Jip McGips, Catfish, Pope John Paul, Basset

Me: Spo, Espo, Espy, Espy Award, Matt Matt, Coach, Fresh Prince, Moms Love Me, Mr. Steal Your Girl, Ginger, Linguini, Hoover High Football Team, Sean William Scott, Italian Ice, Young Conan, Perfect Lover You Should Date Me (about half of these are real)

Live With Love

Yours                                                                                                                                                                                     PHA

Things to learn from bars

So this Thursday I had quite the experience at the bar:

Here are some useful things you can learn from going to a bar

Story time brought to you by that weird marching band that I saw randomly parading around today in Bristol

1. Bars are for dancing (Oh this is funny by the way)

So I met this funny foreign student on the shuttle during our trip to the bar. Everyone was coming from the sick Krewella concert. Logic killed it too. Anyways me and this kid are just having the stupidest conversation which I could not even begin to tell you about. We became boys and then got to the bar and ended up going our separate ways. So later on at the bar, I saw my new friend dancing with two other of his friends. Problem is, no one else was on the dance floor yet. Part of me felt bad that these 3 dudes were out there by themselves just trying to get the party started. Part me of me was like….”Yeah I’m boutta turn up.” I went over to my new Arabic friends and started showing them how we do it here in the states. In the words of Tom Herring, “East Coast Style.” Next thing I know, another one of this dudes friends singles me out on the dance floor. In my head I’m like, “This dude doesn’t want it, he must not know I’m well versed in the school of Will Smith dance moves.” My man straight up looked me in the eyes, (Jordan Peele voice) spun around, did the most incredible split I’ve ever seen in my life, got up and walked away while his boys 8-miled “Ohh’d!” me. I looked up at the balcony for confirmation that I just got merked in a dance battle by a spinning image of Aladdin. P.S, is it spinning image or spitting image? Anyways, we all laughed.

Here’s what you need to learn:  Bars are for dancing. There is no difference between sitting at home and drinking and sitting at a bar and drinking. Move around a little bit and have some fun. Plus dudes, girls love and guy who can dance. So dance, dammit.

2. Bar bathrooms are a stage for stand up comedians:

Here’s what I mean. This is the place where dudes can say whatever they want because their respective honey is not in here. Unless they are in the stall.Which at Fins they very well may be. Oh and why do girls always double up in the stall? Which brings me to my next point. Here are my go to bar bathroom jokes. If its crowded, which it will be, then I will shout out “Everyone double up, two to a urinal!” This is normally received with a few pity laughs and a weird stare from the jock who thinks it means your tough when you’re a homophobe. Being a homophobe does not mean your tough by the way, it means you’re stupid. So after that if I see someone I know I’ll say “Dude, the girls bathroom is the next one over.” This gets a few more laughs. I end my performance with a bang though. As I begin peeing I like to look down and say ‘Found it!” You’re not a bro if you can’t make fun of your own equipment, regardless of size. This draws a ton of laughs and I leave feeling like a champ. 

Here’s what you need to learn: …there is no lesson here just be funny in the bar bathroom because you can

3. Two types of bar-kissing girls

A)  If a girl who you are not dating kissed you on a dance floor, she most likely does not want to date you. She just thinks your a stud. In the words of Tracy Morgan, “She think you nice.” She most likely does not want a relationship. Mid-dance tonsil hockey is just an act of passion in the heat of the moment. Have fun with it. Sneak a high five to a bro after. My dudes who are looking to get wifed up but are reluctant to admit it even though we all want to get wifed up, if this happens to you just do your thing and carry on. Here is why: I once made out mid-dance with a girl from a certain South American country. This girl sat across from me in class but still was adamant that my name was Michael. I have nothing but love for this individual but this may not be the one you want to date if you are looking. We sometimes call these girls Wheat Thins because if someone says” Aye man, you want some of my Wheat Thins?” you’ll be like “…Yeah.” But you wouldn’t want Wheat Thins for the rest of your life. (We don’t really call girls Wheat Thins that was a joke, my friends and I are not that misogynistic.) 

B) If a girl who you are not dating kisses you anywhere else besides the dance floor, then she probably has some sort of feelings for you. She’s interested. The dance floor kiss comes with a disclaimer; its kind of a free pass to have some innocent, youthful tongue fun. But, if a girl is off the dance floor and kisses you, then there might be a little something there. After all, this means that she didn’t mind anyone else seeing her kiss you, whether it be guys she thinks are cute or girls who may want to pursue you. We call these girls Goldfish, because that’s a snack you could have for the rest of your life and be happy with it. (again, we don’t actually call them Goldfish.)

So now your ready to have some awesome bar experiences

Game of Thrones over everything                                                                                                                       PHA